The most common question I’m asked is, of course, why I’m doing this. And as in previous posts, it it not a quick and easy answer. Moving from fantasy ambition to reality uses all kinds of personality traits that are, for me, at any rate, rusty. I am addicted to crossing that line, making dreams happen, to be glib; but in actual fact, some people don’t see the barrier at all. Some people find it easy to muster the wherewithal to record the album, create the artwork, write the book. All these seem to be creative outlets. But it’s the same with climbing mountains and the such but I have less of a problem seeing how people make them happen- I’ve more of a creative block than physical one, I guess.
Other people couldn’t imagine attempting to cross the line – dreams are sacred and will always remain ethereal and out of reach. These people I’ve found tend to fall into 2 camps. Those for whom dreams are vital to be held aloft, an ideal not meant to be reached by mere mortals (although what makes them ‘mere’ as opposed to those that achieve their goals I know not) and those for whom ambotions are a fleeting fad that blithely passes them by. I almost envy this latter group – contentment in not striving.
The problem lies in that once you know you can do it, the onus is to get on and do it. The waste only occurs when you procrastinate….Procrastination is the killer of dreams. And it’s so very true. The more you separate yourself from what you want to be doing, or who you want to be, the more unsatisfied you are with your lot and the more difficult it becomes to transgress. Conversely, the more you practice achieving goals, even little ones, it becomes a habit. Success attracts success. Opportunities grasped become more obvious opportunities in the future. It really is walking the walk, not talking the talk.
The challenge for me has been the logistics -it is a lifelong ambition I am attempting, and probably a once in a lifetime chance to achieve it. A small child and single parenthood are not ideal starting points, but it has meant I have had to face and challenge some long standing hindrances that need to be addressed if I am to succeed. I am hopeless at asking for help. I am fairly useless at delegating – not because I think noone can do it like I can, but for the simple reason that I don’t want to bother other people with my trappings. I have always felt overwhelmed when people willingly give of their time and effort. I have been amazed that virtual strangers have offered me money to help sponsor me on my way. I am getting better at accepting the goodwill of others, but am still not great at asking for it.
Dylan is the key to facing that one. I need him to be looked after and to be having a good time for me to be able to see my way clear – this is a selfish thing I’m doing. No matter how I dress it, and raise awareness of ME, it is my dream and I’m going to make it happen. So I’ve had to start involving others in my plans. I am working to keep Dylan’s life as little dissrupted as possible, but at some point, he’s going to have to become aware that mummy is doing a BIG swim. It’s one of the reasons I’m doing it next year – he will be that much older and more aware, as well as my not needing such intensive training so soon.