I am safe, i am well. I elected which life lesson i learned on this swim -normally they get scoured out of the depths of your soul on channel crossings. The lessons i have learned since the EC in 2012 are indelibly marked on my body in tattoos so I never overlook them again. I cherish each one, and employ them daily. I am my own hero, i am capable and brave and i am blessed. I can go beyond what is considered possible for me, and for most.
I am also the mother of an autistic son, and when i started this project in 2012, he was 3. Now he is 8 and i am having to home school him, for the last 2 years. Juggling life as a self employed lone parent is tough. Swimming offered me balance and adventure, which i craved. But since the molokai channel, i have had a different perspective. I have not been able to sleep solo for 8months and its getting worse- dyl’s anxiety peaks around the swims and has been getting more violent/tempestuous. We both love the travel that it has allowed us. We love adventure. But the fallout for dyl is that he is feeling awful about himself as he is not able to control his stress levels and gets terrified about hurting people because of it. I hope he learns it is ok to know when to back down.
It was a huge decision, but the lesson i chose today is to let go. I knew i can be driven, i am tenacious and i absolutely believe that i could achieve Oceans7 in a year. But the cost to my son is too great. My perspective is that this adventure (something that has no defined outcome, challenges you) has taught me so much. I don’t need to prove anything. There is an incredible community of people who are willing to invest in your dreams- and I hope i continue to inspire others not just to challenge themselves, but that it is also ok to not get where you thought you were going. I found grace in the water today. It was always a decision that i would make in the water. I want to regain the joy and spontaneity OWS gives. I ended up swimming for everyone else, feeling bad for myself and my son. Sorry to those that are disappointed, i swam on for over 5hrs after i wanted to end it- i have never wanted to get out before. I believe it is the right thing to do for my family.
Thank you to everyone for all your support. It has meant so much to me. The adventure isn’t over, just changed.